I’ve been feeling extremely sad, frustrated, exhausted and hopeless recently. This whole motherhood thing has become too much to handle already. I feel like I’m exerting so much effort and what do I get in return? My toddler’s tantrums and never ending whining, a clingy 8-month old who won’t let me leave his side even just to pee (seriously!), and a husband who, in the middle of all this ruckus , has to leave me to take control because of the growing demand of his work.
What makes me feel even worse is seeing photos of my friends having fun, photos of fellow moms doing crafts, having their nails done and going on dates with their husbands. Where am I? I’m home with our two kids–taking care of them and earning a living for them.
I know, I know. I should be happy because I am blessed with two wonderful angels kids and a husband who, despite his line of work, tries to be with us as much as he can. I won’t deny that. But really, it’s freakin’ hard.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m experiencing postpartum depression. Is it possible to have it eight months after giving birth? Or did I have it before and just successfully suppressed it… until now? Or maybe I’m really just going crazy?
I wish I can have a day without worrying about the way I am mothering our kids, or if my husband is happy with me, or if I’m earning enough for the family from my freelance projects. And I wish I can have a day with no noisy tricycles and cars with extra loud speakers passing by our house, waking up my napping kids and turning them from peaceful angels into cranky, little monsters (true story).
Just a day. All I need is a day.