Some days, I dream about being alone in a clean and organized house. A house that is my own. A house where all I hear are the songs of birds chirping outside.
Some days, I dream about spending days doing what I love to do without having to think of anyone else. I dream of playing the guitar without little hands getting in the way. I dream of writing in my journal without being called to do something else. I dream of crafting – oh, there are so many crafts I’d love to do – but I can’t because for sure the kids will get in the way as soon as I take my craft materials out.
Some days, I dream about sleeping in. I dream about not having to force myself to stand up from my comfy bed to cook meals or change diapers.
Some days, I dream of not having to answer questions; to just sit quietly and enjoy a book while sipping on my favorite passionfruit black tea.
Some days, I wish no one would tell me I’m doing it right or wrong; that what’s important is that I am.
Sometimes I don’t want to be a mother anymore.
I have struggled with this for a very long time. I feel guilty even thinking of it because children are supposed to be blessings. Well, they are… except they can also be so difficult to handle. They can be so stressful. They can be so chaotic. And the pressure of being a “good mother” can be so discouraging.
But my kids also never fail to make me smile; to make my heart jump in joy; to make me look forward to more days with them. They make me feel that despite the judgments, that I’m doing fine.
And it’s okay – to sometimes feel like not wanting to mother anymore.
It’s normal to get tired.
It’s normal to feel discouraged.
So take it one day at a time.
And be a ray light to other mothers out there by providing encouragement and support – even when they’re not asking for it.
Today wasn’t a good day for me. But tomorrow is looking much better.